The Best Way Into A Woman Is Through Her Stomach

Did that - wait, does that even make sense?

But: You know what I mean. The year's annual Valentine's Day approaches, and for many it is a time of reinvigorating what many find their sole reason for existence: really weird, kinky stuff. Or at least in my case. For others, it comes down to no more than the utterance of the word "love", a word that carries so much connotation, so much symbolism, and yet dissolves into no more than biology - lust, love, procreation, and in some cases, chocolate. Go easy on it, ladies. Please.
No, really, I'm serious.

But my rambling leads me to my point: Valentine's Day - apart from it's usual cliches like fresh-picked roses, hand-written Hallmark cards, and state regulation handcuffs - always carries the tradition of eating. Near all our holidays revolve around feasting of some sort, doing the thing that we as western society have somehow found to be not a solitary activity, but an act of communion, a time in which all people are gathered over a thing we can all relate to, regardless of gender, religious beliefs, outlook on life, or taste in music: food. We can all relate to food. We all eat. While many in our tossed-salad of America hold differences - even grudges - based merely on ideals and taste in cultural mediums, love is the thing we can all relate to - love is something we all do, and thus held is Valentine's Day's universal appeal. Forget your distaste and self-perceived act of rebellion against society for celebrating a holiday that promotes a consumerist culture of materialistic things like diamonds and other sorts, and just celebrate the holiday for chrissake. Stuff is on sale. Like chocolates - go at 'em.
Except you, ladies - Please God, chill out on those things. You've had enough. Stop eating them.

So what better thing to do than bring your loved one out to a local restaurant! Glenwood Springs, frankly, has some of the best dining in the Valley - in many a ways, while Aspen is the tourist destination, Glenwood remains the real "hub" of the area... one that's realistically priced, one where you can buy a t-shirt not made Ralph Lauren, one that has some decent restaurants a college kid can afford.

Being frank - I can't get out much. Constant car trouble has kept me hermitted to school grounds, hence my lack of blog entries on anything going on outside of campus. I'm on my second car this year and it too has died on me after $400 dollars in repairs. So apologies in advance in your favorite restaurant is not represented or I failed to mention a Glenwood Essential. I try to get out, but I can only eat at so many places.

First off is The Brew-Pub:
You're going to be spending a little extra money on the lust-of-yer-life this Valentine's Holladay, so don't fret when you find that BrewPub's burgers are priced an average of over ten dollars. If you're of drinking age, The BrewPub offers a wide variety of beers, including the local Hanging Lake beer and some more somewhat-exotic types, like pumpkin and honey flavored ales. Hence the name of the restaurant, the BrewPub makes it's syrups right there on restaurant grounds - no trucking, no importation, straight from the source of thy womb. The atmosphere is also very pleasant, with oak (or some type of....wood) furniture all around. Not necessarily romantic, but if you expect furniture to take over your charming responsibilities, you should not be dating. If you're not of drinking age - well, the burgers are still good. The last time I was in there, I had the bison-burger which set me back $14 dollars or so but was fairly good and arrived within a reasonable amount of time. It wasn't as soft as a Ted's bison burger is, but that's a place in Denver so I guess comparisons can't really be made: As far as I know, it's the only place that offers near-extinct-animal meat in town. Vet-Tech girls love that kind of stuff.

The Brew-Pub is located across from the Amtrak railway station. It's sort of hard to miss, it's amongst the tallest buildings in town.

Next up is The Italian Underground.
I ate here once (Self-realization: Add an "h" to ate, and you form "hate". Seeing that the majority of our language is derived from Latin, would anyone know what the roots of "ate" are? Is there really an association between hating, and eating? Did any body else just think cannibalism? No, nobody? Cannibalism can also be an act of love, you know. What better way to appreciate the presence of a loved one than eat them?  OK, I'm sorry -  back to the rest of this paragraph: ) while waiting for the Greyhound, and was a little bothered considering my lack of time as to how ridiculously long it took to get an order of spaghetti. But - it was worth it. Very good stuff.  Also, before your order you are given salad, and afterwards gelato, which is basically Italian ice-cream and is not incredibly different than from what you get here in the states, plus or minus thickness. I wouldn't call the extras "free", as IU charges over ten bucks a plate, but once again, it's a one-day a year exception.  Apparently, the Italian Underground is also located in one of the oldest buildings in Glenwood, which is a cool fact you can tell your loved one in case the conversation lulls and you don't really have much else to say, like what just happened here.

The Italian Underground is located sort of underneath the big bridge in downtown Glenwood. I'd offer directions but downtown Glenwood encompasses such a small amount of town that all you'd have to do is drive for a block and realize that everything is located within a nine second proximity of everything else. It's hard to get lost.

For the carnivore in everyone, there is Juicy Lucy's, which I ate at with my parents years back and - Holy God, it's expensive. This is a place you'll go to if you really want to impress your date, with the sheer amount of cash you're willing to spend on something no more than beef-flank. I can't remember exactly, but I'm pretty sure for my mom and dad the total amount came to about $60 dollars for two steaks a piece. You'd think with a name like Juicy Lucy's you'd get a down-home burger shack (you know, versus a place named something like "Jean-Pierre's Fantastique Eaterie" pronounced with special French emphasis on vowels regardless of the country you dine in).
Also, did anyone else read the name "Juicy Lucy" and have the first word into their mouths spell out "cannibalism"? No, no one? Really? Ok, well, um, let's move on then...

Aaaaaaaaaaay, es mi hombre Peppo Nino, un restaurante de comida Italian en el centro commercial de la ciudad de Glenwood. Peppo Nino es un restaurante muy Italiano. Los precios era reasonable por un occasion especialmente de tu y tu novia o novio, mas o menos $10-15 dollars (No pesos!) por un plato. Mi favorito es un comida de se llama "alfredo" ---- mmmmm, es muy rico!! El ambiente es muy oscuro - es beneficial por los clientele muy romanticas jajajajaja. Anyways, I have a hard time comparing this place to the Italian Underground as I've only been once to both places, and to side with one or the other would imply me, being a pseudo-employee of CMC and thus a representative of an organization, a favoree of one place over the other - so I can't really recommend you one or the other, other than I kind of liked Peppo Nino a little better. Did I - did I just do that?

Peppo Nino is also located in the same general area as the other restaurants, a block or two away from the train station.

You know what's also romantic, now that I think about it? Taking the train. The views are beautiful, and the last time I took the train (from California to Denver - I think it was the Zephyr I took) I remember they're being an entire compartment entirely composed of glass. The walls, the doors, the roof - all glass! Or really sturdy plastic. It was a really neat-o experience, and despite how glacially slow the train moves (A trip to Denver from Glenwood via train takes about 7 hours. Greyhound takes 3 hours. Via car, it's about 2 and 1/2 hours. If you decide to walk, be sure to bring company as it might take a couple days. That way you'll have someone to eat. Oh, oops, that was a typo. I meant that way, you'll have a companion to help you hunt for food. Like him.)

Of course, taking the train and then trying to be back by Monday is sort of nonsensical, unless you were to get on the train, sit down, pretend you had been there for hours, and get off with your date before it leaves. Which isn't really romantic at all, just sort of weird.


The last place I can think of at the moment is the Nepalese Restaurant down here pretty close to CMC, at the base of the hill you have to climb in order to get up here. I find it sort of ridiculous that I can't exactly remember it's name - it might be for no more reason that it was just titled Nepal Restaurant.  Anyways - who said romantic evenings have to contain romantic food? What makes some foods more romantic than others? Does a food know it's romantic? It's eat to live, not live to eat. This advice applies to you specifically, ladies. This nation is experiencing an obesity epidemic, and you are guilty for 50% of it. FIFTY PERCENT. That's more than twenty-five percent! I find it appalling you women can eat so much.
Anyways, back to the restaurant: As the name implies, they serve Nepalese food, not Chinese as I suspected you originally thought it did. I was introduced to this restaurant via my 20th Century World History class I took last semester (It's taught by Dr. Wadyko, very enjoyable class, I'd recommend any one coming here to take it next time it's offered.) where we were given presentations on life in Nepal, and additionally brought in Nepalese food. I liked the samplings so much I had to try an actual meal myself. The restaurant is slightly odd in it's serving styles, though - food is given to you via cafeteria trays, which despite my previous statement on foods and romanticism, isn't really romantic at all. But it's exotic, and very fun stuff to eat. I remember this pita bread that you dipped in some hummus-textured cream (except it was spicy) to honestly have been one of the most memorable things I've ever eaten. It's good stuff.

And last of all, at the days end, you can bring your loved on to the local Kaleidoscoops, whom actually offer more than Baskin Robbins 39's flavors - a place that continues to advertise it's 39 flavors, despite Kaleidoscoops's clear superiority variety-wise. Ice-cream is pretty cliche romantic eating affair, but dammit, it tastes good. Alongside your staples like mint chocolate chip, butter pecan, and Oreo flavor are more exotic types like  graham cracker crust, Moose tracks, and peanut butter cup stuff. Unfortunately, they did not offer Human flavor, which is my favorite and you really don't see in a lot of places. I searched, read and re-read every flavor of ice-cream and studied even their ingredient labels in the case that Human flavor was possibly placed under a more misleading name, something alone the lines of "Bloody Valentine", "Soylent Green" (I just spoiled that movie for you) or "People With Sprinkles" but to no avail. But no matter- ice-cream is quissential romantic, and despite our 30 degree days, it never fails to taste good. It keeps it's shape better, and you don't have to worry about it running down your hands, so I think it's all a big plus.

SO - that's all I can recommend, based off my limited knowledge of the town's restaurants, so at the least I hope I could provide at least some sort of advice.  Hope you guys have a pleasant Valentine's Day, ho ho ho and all that stuff.